


In which Daryl realizes Beth is truly gone (and tries to deal)

by superwholocked5eva



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, it's sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-15 23:38:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3466283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superwholocked5eva/pseuds/superwholocked5eva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl let's things simmer;doesn't want to forget. Doesn't want to let anyone in. Doesn't want to be seen. *look at title, it's a pretty good description too*</p>
            </blockquote>





	In which Daryl realizes Beth is truly gone (and tries to deal)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry if this is complete shit. If it is, please let me know. Thank you.

"I get it now."

She moved quickly, placing the blades of the scissors into the soft skin near Dawn's shoulder. 

A shot rang out, piercing Daryl's ears with a new kind of shrill. He didn't think much about what happened next. He pulled out his gun, another shot rang out, and she was still lying there. He thought he could avenge her death, that maybe it could bring her back, that maybe this was all some sick and twisted dream, but deep down he knew it wasn't enough. She was still lying there, blood oozing on to the floor. Rick was talking, but Daryl had spaced out. He didn't catch a word. There were guns pointed, but it didn't phase him. She was gone. Daryl's breath hitched, his cheeks were hot, and the tears started pouring. 

He waited until Rick had finished talking before he collapsed next to her. He knew that if he moved before, he would most likely be shot as well, but why would that be an issue now? 

He stared at her, as if trying to will her to move. He knew it was no hope. Carol had place a hand on his back, but he shrugged away from it.

"Are you gon' carry her or do you want me to," Rick asked. 

"I'll do it," Daryl choked out. 

He lifted her up and carried her bridal-style out of the hospital. The tears were still falling as they made their way outside. He saw Maggie fall to the ground, with Glenn right behind her, trying to comfort her. The other's faces all went a little paler than usual.

//

//I just wanted to lay down and cry, but we can't do that.//

//

Everyone comforted Maggie. Beth was her sister, of course, but Maggie didn't know shit about Beth. She didn't know how strong she was. Hell, she didn't even know Beth was still alive until someone had told her, and even then she didn't go look for her. He had a twinge of guilt every time he looked at her, though. This was all his fault. He was in charge of protecting her. He let his guard down once, and he got her killed. 

//

//I'm gonna be gone someday. I will.//

//

He never spoke to anyone about what all they been through. Carol tried to get him talk (she tried a little too hard for his liking), but she would never get far. He wouldn't allow anyone into their little slice of whatever they had shared, no matter how much they wanted to hear it. Maggie still looked to him for the blame of her sisters death. He knew her accusations were true. 

"It wasn't your fault," Rick had said once. Daryl wanted to believe it. He desperately wanted to believe it, but he knew it wasn't -- it couldn't -- be true. 

//

//You got away from it. You did.//

//

He hardly slept anymore. He knew he needed to, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. It reminded him too much of when she was alive. Everything did. He distanced himself from the group. The only person he would ever nod a "hello" at was Rick. 

He would play with Judith when Carl couldn't. He still hunted food for the group. He just never talked. 

//

//And now God forbid you let anybody get too close.//

//

Maggie had asked him about why he hadn't been there for her when he should've. Every time she asked, he never gave an answer. He would just stare at her with an expression of understanding -- of knowing he should've been there -- aand then walk away.

He knew he should've been there. He shouldn't have let his guard down. If he had just payed attention, she wouldn't have been taken to the hospital and she certainly wouldn't be dead. 

He thought about her every night. He would ponder the moments they shared and wonder if they meant anything to her. He would often find himself crying over her: how she held his hand, how she knew he missed Merle without him having to say he did.

He missed the way she said "oh" when she realized that she was the one who changed his mind. He remembered what she was like when she was drunk. He remembered everything. 

He knew that there was no way to get her back. He realized something: every time he gets near a person, they are ripped away. And oh, how it hurts when they're gone. 

//

//You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon.//

//

Maggie voiced her opinion one evening while they were all sitting around the camp fire. They had all had a few drinks, since Michonne had found an abundance of booze during a run. They all thought it would be good to have a few, but some people had had too many. Maggie and Daryl were amongst those who had drank too much. 

"Why is it that you never talk about Beth?"

And just like that, he turned into the same asshole he had been when he was drunk with Beth; the same asshole he was every time he was drunk. 

"Maybe it's cuz I don't wanna," he shot back. 

"Well why won't ya!" Maggie yelled back. 

"Just cuz, okay?" He replied. 

"She was MY goddamned sister! I want to know!" Maggie shouted. 

"Because I loved her, alright?"

There was a long pause. Daryl immediately regretted saying the words that came out of his mouth, but he couldn't take them back. Everyone looked shocked. He screamed at himself -- internally, of course -- and his heart sank.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save her," he whispered before walking away. 

//

//There are still good people, Daryl.//

//

"He was strong," he had said to Maggie. "So was she." 

Maggie had given him a weak smile at that one. Daryl knew she wanted to know more about Beth in her last few weeks, but there was nothing else to say. Or rather, there was nothing else he was willing to share with the world. He wanted to keep it a secret. He didn't want anyone to share what they had. 

He secluded himself as often as he could now. No doubt about it, Carol wanted to be everywhere Daryl was, but Daryl figured out a way to sneak away without her following. On these trips he never did much hunting. Only reflecting. Reflecting on their past together. Reflecting on how strong she was. 

"You'll be good someday," Rick had told him, "you'll be good. But bad things always happen to those who have good. Be careful." Daryl thought Rick was wrong. There was no way he could have good in him. The only good in him was ripped away when she died. And now he's empty inside.

//

//What made ya change your mind? Oh.//

//


End file.
